Tomorrow is the big day. The day that we see if our baby still has a beating heart or if my body has once again claimed another life. I am so thankful for a busy schedule of shooting, editing, mommy time, vacations and appointments. I would go stir crazy sitting around my house all day wondering. I swear that I can feel teeny movements, but I think I could be psyching myself up. I felt both my girls early, around 14 weeks, but nine weeks still seems so early. I googled it, bless the internet. A few sites claim that moms can feel their babies as early as eight weeks. This is my twelfth pregnancy, I am claiming veteran rights. I can feel my baby.
I am pretty nervous. Thankfully my appointment is pretty early in the morning, plus over an hour drive. I hate the fact that I had to formally announce before tomorrow. My belly is too big to not notice. Being home now, I see more of the friendly faces that I am used to. And those faces see me too. And they know how I am supposed to look. A very round belly isn't usually in the picture. I am fearing seeing that all too familiar motionless tiny frame and flat line where a heart beat is supposed to be. I am dreading having to post and text saying that the baby isn't alive anymore. And then the slew of comments that will come. It makes me incredibly sad. I am praying that we don't have to post that. I am hoping with all my heart, that I get to high five God and say thanks! Its the little things in life. And secretly, I am praying that two little ones are visible on that screen. Both with heartbeats. Both wiggling around in their warm little place. Both with four chamber hearts and three vessel cords and intestines on the inside of their bodies. Both with the exact amount of chromosomes they are supposed to have.
Much weighs on my heart tonight. If we see a heart beat tomorrow, the chances of us being able to keep this baby alive is very, very good. If you remember, please say a prayer for us. If we lose another one, my darling Sparkle will be absolutely devastated.